it's funny. i can't stand being in rhode island. i can't wait to be back in the city next semester.

Guess not.

I'm sitting on my couch at school watching TV, I've been sitting in the same place for the past 4 hours, since I got back from work. And I keep crying off and on. And it's taking all my willpower not to jump into my car and drive to NYC tonight. I thought I could make it for a single weekend here especially because I worked Friday & Saturday for 6 hours but apparently I'm just a little wimp because it's so fucking hard. I wish I could be back at home. In high school or something. I wish we had never graduated and left for college. I don't know how to deal with it. I thought I was okay. Guess not, huh?

Start of school....

i've been back at school for almost 2 weeks now and i still can't seem to get into the flow of classes and. now, my part-time job. i've never worked during the school year before and i always have lots of free time, so i figured that if i got a part-time job, i would make a few bucks and not sit around my house as much as i did last year. so far, it hasn't worked, if only because the semester is so much more hectic than any other and i'm taking 18 credits of pretty hard classes. not sure why i decided to do this to myself.
every year when i come to school i feel extremely depressed, i always imagine a way to leave uri and return to a school somewhere either closer to the city or in the city. for some reason, this year is even worse than it was in the past. i've done research and looked up schools in the city that i could enroll in, so that i could leave uri once for and all. i feel bad for my parents who have to pay thousands of dollars every year for my tuition, my house, my utility bills, my car, my car insurance, the gas for my car, plus all the everyday things that they insist on paying for. if i went to a state school or a city school, my tuition would less than a quarter of what it is now. if it was a city school i wouldn't need my car (as much as i love it). it would just all be so much more cost-efficient. instead of getting an early childhood education degree with a rhode island teaching certificate and then having to get recertified in new york i could get a human development and family studies degree and go to graduate school to get a job.
all of this is just too much for me to handle.